Same. 

Especially when it comes to losing weight. I swear I am only be gaining weight oh my god. 

But at least, there's one thing that I am proudly able to achieve. 

Since 2014, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and it sucks. I tried so many things not too think about it and of course to stop having it. I went to college and hoping to start a new life with new environment. It start just fine alhamdulillah but then things gone wrong. When I thought that I no longer have anxiety, it became worse where I was diagnosed with depression. I slept too much, no longer interested in anything I once have passion for and I just don't want to do anything. 

When my studies are on edge, that's when I decided to help myself. I seek for professional helps and of course I start to take medication to "lessen the sadness". I'm sure a lot of you who have been going through it will understand. It was bad really, I cried everyday about everything and even worse when I attempted suicide a few times which was bad but only God knows how I feel at that moment. 

I had nobody except Him. I was giving up on myself and anything. I hated myself and the life i was living in. Why? because I always tried to be the nicest person for everyone and yet people do bad things towards me. I always ask Him why because I thought I have been good enough so I don't deserve being treated that way. I was wrong. 

September 2018,

I start to realize that no matter how long or how much I consume my anti-depressant it just won't work unless I do something about myself. So, I start SLOWLY with accepting myself or in other words stop hating myself. I really hate myself before so when I start to love myself a lil bit, I start to push away people who don't appreciate me and focus more on people who did. Those hatred that people have on me doesn't affect me anymore and that's a really good start. I don't bother myself with the person I need to be to impress people and focus on being a better version of myself to satisfy me. Alhamdulillah again, i stop consuming any medicine for my depression and I felt a lot better. 

Dear people, 

I am sharing this today because I want to put this horrible memories behind me. I am not ashamed of who I was or what I went through as it is have brought both bad and good for me but most important is, it has taught me a great lesson and brings out a better version of myself. I know it is not the same for everyone but I hope if you are going through something similar. This can be a good start for you. 

I would like to remind everyone that if you have any friends who are going through this horrible things, please please please be a good listener. If you are not a good adviser, at least be there and listen to them. This little things help to ease the burden honestly. People like us tend to feel as if no one is there for us. But knowing that there is at least one person we can talk to make us feel less sad.  

When we talk about resolution,

beside losing weight lol one thing that is always in my list is "to be a better person". 

We can always a be a better person everyday at least to our self, people and our family. 

I think that's all for today. 

Adios.